Ahhh, the 2004 Maryland Masters Winter Meet! The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. The Good was the fact that more than a dozen team records were either newly posted or came toppling down. The Bad was how bad Emad Elshafei beat up on the rest of the teammates (especially Michael Lee). And the Ugly was the Subway Sandwiches! (Last I checked, Subway Sandwiches are about four bucks a pop. Swimming with Maryland Masters - Priceless.)

And on we go with a meet summary, starting with The Goods!

On the fairer sex’s side, Kelly "Bows-to-No-Man" Bowman stomped her name on to a few more records among 19 to 24 year old woman. Kelly bettered her own time in the 100 free by a couple tenths, and then took down Laura Antonietta’s ten-year-old 100 and 200 IM records with a 1:04.96 and 2:17.42, respectively! In addition to Kelly, Deb Morrin-Nordlund bettered her own 50 backstroke record for 40 to 44 year olds, dropping eight tenths off to swim a 45.33.

For the dudes, let’s lead off with Andy Ellis! Ellis went up to Villanova, Pennsylvania last week and dropped five seconds from the 500 free time previously held by Michael "Slot Machine" Lee in the 35 to 39 year old age group. As a result of Ellis breaking Slots’ record, Slots McLee ponied up a large Pepsi to the team’s new 500 free champion – Mr. Andrew Ellis! Now, just one week later at the 2004 Maryland Masters Winter Meet, Ellis drops another five seconds from his time to place the men’s time down at the sub five-twenty mark – a 5:18.44! Boy-howdy! What’s in that guy’s water? It’s certainly not lead, because he’s definitely got the lead out!

(Let’s jump off of reporting on the 35 to 39 year old men’s results. We’ll save the rest of this age group for the (very) Bad section of this report.)

Eric Nordlund and Steve Payne also got the lead out for 40 to 44 year old men! Five new records stand with Eric’s name next to them, and three records have the name of Steve "Keg-o-beers" Payne. Here’s a little vignette for you: Eric "Semi-Show" Nordlund is sweating bullets while he looks over his competition in the 50 free. He’s in Heat 10, Lane 6. Over in the fastest lane of the same heat, Lane 4, is Kelly "Bows-to-No-Man" Bowman! She’s seated with a faster time!

Where’s Eric’s honor! (Well, we all believe it’s about to be lost!) Eric’s believing the same. He’s got that frantic look in his eyes. Deb says Eric just could not sleep that night before the race, that he keeps staring at that psyche sheets and he simply can’t believe a fatal outcome could occur! He’s about to get beat by his much more hydro-dynamic female teammate! Well, what do you think happens to the protagonist of this little story? Yup, he pulls it out. Kelly bows. Eric sets a new team record of 25.38 for his age group, and Kelly follows him in to the wall with a 25.66 - two blinks of an eye after "Semi"!

Eric also lowers the 200 free record (2:12.70), the 50 back (30.58), and the 200 breast (3:13.26). (Now tell me, if Steve Payne happens to swim in an earlier heat of an event and get the record, say in the 200 breast, and then Eric breaks that record in a later heat, does that mean "King-o-beers" owes Eric "Semi-Show" another beer?) Eric also nailed the 400 IM record with a 5:57.06 time. The boy made it through that grueling event! Although he did lift his head up while at the wall of his third lap of fly (the 75 yard mark) to exclaim, "This hurts." (Uhh...or something like that.)

Steve-o as well put records up in the 100 and 200 flys and 200 back. The guy’s pretty smart! Eric’s not going to chase him up into and challenge him for the 200 fly record! That record should stick awhile, and watching Steve swim that 200 fly was a lot of fun! Welcome to Club Ironman, Mr. Payne! We all thought Steve would go vertical at the end of his swim (heck, he was swimming the thing so you could see his navel with every stroke!), but he treated that monster with respect - and actually started sprinting in his last lap! Steve’s three record times from the meet: 1:35.56 in the 100 fly, 3:31.96 in the 200 fly, and 3:42.47 in the 200 back. (We actually think this back time is 40 seconds too slow and Steve swam it much quicker, but right we don’t have any other information besides the published results.)

Now, here comes the Hurt - that is, the Bad of the report. Let’s get it over with quickly. *Sigh* Emad "Hat Tricked" the short course yard’s breaststroke events at the Maryland meet, taking out both Lee and Ellis. Although broken down gimpy Lee came to the meet to defend his titles – and did swim some improved times, mind you – that old scruffy dog was no match to Emad Elshafie! Emad whacked two seconds off in the 50 breast (29.90), five seconds off in the 100 breast (1:05.30), and twenty seconds off the team’s record in the 200 breast (2:24.38)! Heck, Emad even beat Michael Goodison at this meet in the 200 breast! Emad, that Bull, also put up a team record of 2:05.05 in the 200 IM.

You mess with the Bull, you gonna get the horns! Total Pepsi account to Emad: four from Lee and one from Ellis. That’s almost a six-pack!

Heck, it’s a good thing Emad backed out at the very - and I mean very - last second of the 200 fly. Yup, for some reason Emad "The Bull" decided that it would be better if he simply did not challenge James Crowder for the team’s overall fastest 200 fly time just yet. (That’s the only reason I can think of as to why Emad fell into the water while up on the starting blocks during the start! Ker-plop went Emad, who subsequently got himself dinked.)

Well, as they say in Egypt, Emad, "There is a fall for each horse," which means that no matter how good you are, you can fall. (However, Emad, when you do finally feel like your in shape enough to challenge Crowder and get back up to ride that 200 fly horse -- ride it like the wind!)

Ok, that’s a wrap. On another note: Jinro’s back in the house! At least for a visit that is. Jinro Ukita came down to swim with us a couple Saturdays ago, all the way from Nanuet, New York. Great seeing you again, Jinro! Jinro indicates that he’s going to check out a few of the local New York swim meets and put a whammy on some of the men’s 45 to 49 year old records! We’re looking forward to posting those results!