Last year, we had Ellis followed by Jeff “Muppet” Strahota and Kelly “Bows-to-no-man” Bowman in the distance events. In fact, up until the 2004 season only the Grande Dame of Distance, Jane West, had ever gone under a 5:20 in the 500 freestyle. And then -- *blip*, *blip*, *blip* -- Ellis, Bowman, and Muppet (fastest to slowest in that order) all blast under the barrier. The 5:20 Banditos were the result!

Since, Muppet’s still been trying to beat Ellis – chasing him without reward, like – oh – Barney chasing unavailable women.

Once again, a meet up between Ellis and Muppet occurs Friday night in the 1,000 yard freestyle. Who wins? Well, it’s not “E. B.” Strahota with a final time for the event of 11:06.71. It’s Muppet’s main man, Ellis, coming in faster by only 27 one-hundredths! Ellis swims an 11:06.44! Mind over water, and Ellis comes through to tap out Strahota at the end.

You think the story’s over don’t you?

Nope.

“Bwah-dump, bwah-dump”

“Bwah-dump, Bwah-dump, Bwah-dump, Bwah-dump!”

That’s right, Stealth Shark Curt Reynolds entered Friday night’s 1,000 freestyle too….and clocked in at 10:53.51! Stealth Shark chomped down and took the top slot regardless of age in the thousand.

So, we know THREE team records came a tumblin’ down, including Charles “Little Ed” Stoner’s 19-24 record (Muppet beating Little Ed’s record? Huh? No way…). But hats off too to Monte “Rabies” Lewis for posting the team’s FORTH team record in the event, as well! (Girls, make sure to ask bachelor Lewis where he got his nickname.)

Early in the season, around a deck of cards -- or was it while watching the Superbowl? – Bill Shipp and MLee got to wagering what sort of time Bill (Lizard?) Shipp might be able accomplish by season’s end in the 200 free. At the time, Bill was sitting somewhere closer to a 2:12, rather than closer to the two minute barrier – where we’d all like to be.

The beer was flowing, and MLee thought he saw an easy mark. “I’ll bet you a case of Guinness, Lizard, that you can’t swim a 2:03.79.”

“Not interested, Lee,” said Lizard, stoically.

“Hmmmm,” said Lee and threw out another wager to see if it’d fly, “I’ll add a second. Make it a 2:04.79, then.”

“I’ll take that bet,” and with a quick flick of his tongue, Lizard snapped the bet up, and then gulped it down as if it were a tender morsel.

Ha Ha! But was the bet just a little too big for Esquire Shipp? It seemed to be the case (har – har, case, get it? Case of beer…er…ok…forget it).

February comes and Bill gets a 2:08 under his belt. But he’s not going anywhere else in lowering his time. The season’s end is fast approaching in April! The Maryland club team has a meet the weekend before Zones, and Bill knocks seconds off his time to swim a 2:05.00! He’s so close: 0.21 seconds away from a case of that fine dark stout – Guinness!

So for Colonies Zones, he shaves down to nothing but glistening scales!

Yup, ten years of unadulterated chest hair washed down drain. The swimmer in Bill Shipp reemerges! He blows through to a 2:03.41 in the 200 free at Colony Zones! He busts not only the 2:03.79 offered in the original bet, but the extra second in padding he managed to give himself!

I hear Shipp’s getting mighty thirsty…

You are a partner in a well established firm. You represent clients in multi-million dollar deals. Due to the stress of your position, last year your wife tells you, you should get back in to swimming – the sport in which you participated when she met you back in college. She doesn't want you to have a heart attack like so many of the other business men you both know. You join Terrapin Masters.

A year goes by.

You are sitting in the bathroom with your nine year old daughter. She asks you why you are shaving your legs.

“Because it makes you go faster,” you tell her.

“Does it?” she replies.

“Well, not actually, but it might a little bit, because hair drags in the water.”

She sits on the toilet seat. Wearing a Speedo bathing suit, you lather up the back of your right leg next to your groin with more shaving cream. You’ll note you’ve also asked your wife to shave your back.

Later, the next day, you are lying on the aquamarine tiles of a pool deck with your head resting on top of an old canvass swim bag. You are wearing a form fitting, black Speedo swim suit. Tomorrow the pricks of first ingrown hairs will bother you. You hear the teammates’ friendly banter. The horn for the next heat of swimmers sounds, starting the race. You hear water splash. You find yourself saying, “This is the Life.”

This year, the guys on Terrapin Masters are having a King of the 100 Fly Challenge. Usually, folks like Mike Doane, James Crowder, Michael Goodison walk all over the teammates on this beat. But, last year at Zones, Michael Lee thought he was doing pretty good clocking in with 57.36 in one of the early heats. Michael Goodison’s best was a 57.20. Lee thought he had arrived! He’s got the team’s 35 to 39 year olds record and was now swimming close to the big boys! Let’s see who can swim that fly, baby!

A month after Colonies Zones, USMS holds SCY Nationals. Goody and Andrew Ellis sign up and swim the 100 fly.

Goody proceeded to get up on the blocks. He’s in one of the faster, later heats. He swims a 55.51.

Welp, at least Lee could still beat up on Ellis, right? Ellis – ha, ha! You guest it. The Choir Boy swims a 56.42 -- almost a second faster than Lee.

Hmmmm. Lee’s back in the bubbles, disoriented.

This year at Colonies Zones, Patty Robbins, Emad Elshafei, Michael Lee, and Carolyn Voorhees swim the 35 + 400 mixed medley relay. Lee swims the 100 fly. His relay split is a 55.44! In the 100 fly, clean, Goody swam a 57.30!

55.44 R – he’s back in!

Last day of the meet. Goody swims the fly leg of the Mens’ 18+ 400 Yard Medley Relay, and clocks in at a 55.25!

Lee may be back out (There’s no writing a 55.44R on his chest!)

Finally, the team’s getting to the point it can establish team relay records for events other than the 18 and 25+ categories. This year at Colonies Zones, we had two 35 + 400 mixed medley relays and several other non-puppy relays.

Curt Reynolds, Deborah Morrin-Nordlund, Bill Shipp, and Cheryl Wagner swam a 2:10.03 in the first heat, establishing the record for team Terrapin in the event! In a later heat, Patty Robbins, Emad Elshafei, Michael Lee, and Carolyn Voorhees swim a 1:54.94!

Voorhees does a little sleuthing, and it appears we may have something to write home about. Well, long story short, the Robbins-Elshafei-Lee-Voorhees relay sets a new Zones record, and established the second fastest time ever swum nationally in the event.